grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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