when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
