Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
