$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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