We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
