sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
