I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
