Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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