'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize