oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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