The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
