Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
