It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
