Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
