I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize