I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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