why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she smelled like a LAN party
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
