im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
