remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
