New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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