I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
