So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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