Im at strip club and am horny
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
