If i come over, it means nothing
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
