On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
