Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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