the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
