I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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