id be glad to
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
