wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
