well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
