I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Who died my cat blue again?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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