this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
