don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
