Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
