yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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