And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
