Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
