I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
