Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
