Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
