watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I need a beard to bite.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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