Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
