So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
