so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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