Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
