I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
