So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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