just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
