Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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