she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
