i just had sex bonerless
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
