so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
