it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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