If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize