Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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