Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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