just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
