This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
