I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
