Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
