I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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