I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
