Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
