and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
