"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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