I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
