Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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