Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How does one acquire holy water?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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