bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
