Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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