I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
