I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
