What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
