Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
