I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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