if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
