I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
