i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
