why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
